


dreams and other curiosities

by xxxww



Category: NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Bad Poetry, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 03:43:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20923613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxxww/pseuds/xxxww
Summary: isolated and short-lived were the small moments of intimacy lucas and ten shared. the latter doubted it was going anywhere; there were more important matters to attend





	dreams and other curiosities

> _I am human like other men — I will not be cheated of my happiness!_  
(The Phantom of the Opera, 1925)

About 11 pm, chilly, and Lucas was pretty damn sure Ten stole his favourite fleece hoodie. He busted into Ten's room, empty, very clean, with fresh sheets and a good scent. It wasn't hard to spott the red piece of clothing, neatly draped over the next best chair. He picked it up and heard something noisy in one of the pockets. It just asked of him to be nosey. Besides, it was his damn hoodie.

Lucas palm wrapped around cold plastic. A lighter, he realized belatedly, once he opened his palm. He rolled the sparkwheel a few times, flame yellow and fluid, very mesmerising.

Lucas was easily distracted.

That's how Ten caught him. What was rightfully his tugged underneath his arm and what was Ten's, the object of all his current concentration, small in his overgrown fist.

Lucas kept his wide eyes (too much white) on the flame when he asked, "you smoke?"

Ten leaned against the doorframe now starring himself at the light. He scoffed and said, "so i can get smoked out by the public?"

There was never the scent of ash or tobacco on Ten. Lucas was shortly amused by the thought of Ten doing crack instead. (Then again, it wasn't funny, just sad.) Lucas almost winced, wished Ten hadn't reacted so nonchalant to his casual lack of respect. Cool fucking bastard.

The fire died; Lucas blinked rapidly a few times before closing his hand around the thing, the metal on top now almost painfully hot. He shrugged and handed the lighter back. "You'd probably enjoy it."

Ten took it and smiled that freakish smile that casually lit up his whole face, the lighter looking bigged in his hand. All matter was relative.

"Probably true," he said, shrugging and making fun of Lucas' uncertainty. It made Lucas press his lips tightly together, eyes suspiciously slant.

"So what is it for?" he asked, but that's none of his business, of course.

Ten's tone was clipped but not impolite, leaving no room to get offended over something so minor.

"Candles."

"You hate candles," Lucas said, surprise by his own quickness to counter. Ten was probably just pulling his ears, either way (that fucking imp) so there was no need to get invested. Lucas was used to pandling between overly emotional investment and staying dangerously afloat. It was an art he hasn't fully mastered yet.

Lucas did not expect praise, nevermind how patronising Ten's tone was.

"Ah, so attentive." Lucas almost perked up under the approval, chest swelling only so slightly.

Lucas poked his tongue out, making a useless sound at the back of his throat and gesturing for Ten to do the same. Ten understood somehow, they always would.

Ten curved a brow, laughed it off. "Caught me." The pink tongue he poked out from between his lips was spotless with the exception of some whiteness at the tip. Lucas almost wanted to pat himself on the back for catching that. Lots of getting caught today, he thought.

When was it not with Ten.

"Did you…?" he asked, unfinished and with an unhelpful gesture of his hand.

"Burn my tongue?" He grinned. "Yes."

Lucas blinked a few times, mind frozen. "How?"

Ten switched to english, his words smooth and lighter on his tongue. "Have you ever watched _Jennifer's Body_?"

The title rang a bell, but it put nothing behind his eyes. Lucas shook his head.

Ten enjoyed strange media, so much Lucas knew. Of people tyrannized and tyrannizing. Sometimes a sick interplay of both. Gorey trash and revenge flicks. Sometimes agonizingly slow, voyeuristic slice of miserable lives. Lucas usually didn't stick around for those kind of movies. He'd frequently stay for musicals and bad (that was a lie) chick flicks.

They ended up on the couch, Ten scrolling on his phone for his favourite scenes, Lucas just trying to keep his eyes open a few seconds longer, the warmth of his sweater making him doozy. He was a truly bad listener at times. Ten didn't seem to care.

Ten made fun of him for enjoying animated kids movies so much (definitely projecting) but listened to him rant with a lazy smile, not any bit less bright, legs tucked close to his body and back curved, hands moving frantically but not unpleasantly, always dignified.

Lucas remembers thinking that Ten had a very graceful posture and body language, even when he was not dancing, just sitting, doing nothing much. Then he fell asleep halfway through Ten explaining the plot of the movie and something about misogyny and female icons and poor, poor Megan Fox.

Whatever, really.

The world always seemed to spin faster for Lucas and his like.

He could swear it was only days ago the tides had shifted, when he wasn't NCT's Lucas anymore. At least not exclusively.

He could count the months on his fingers.

Either way, he must've spinned around quite a few time in the last months, weeks,

days, even.

There were quite a few Lucas (plural, mind you) and every new one was another gamble.

While the frequent changes made him jittery, the excitement like a herd of horses mixed up with a shyness that made him feel like 16 again, overgrown and awkward, Ten, prolific in all his forms and shapes, gladly let the waves swallow him whole.

It was almost fascinating, kind of alarming and nearly hapless.

On the surface, like a film of sweat, Lucas felt some sort of embarrassingly focal disdain for the elder's opportunistic nature. But he tried to sweat it off, shameful and partly guilt ridden by his hypocrisy.

He went along the whole spiel. Was glad Ten spieled, as well.

It was strange, he remembers thinking, as they all sat together, eating, enjoying and getting to know each other while being so used to simply pass by each other with nothing much but a polite nod. It was strange how genuinely here and present everyone seemed. Lucas felt the opposite. It was like free-falling, and he desperatly wanted to grab for a hand.

This was regular schedule, Lucas realized, trying not to overthink as his eyes darted from one flushed face to the next.

_This is regular schedule_, he repeated.

Yet it was not;

the waves uniquely strong, landing them far away from home, wherever that was for each of them. They were a frankenstein creation, a hazardous gamble that was highly anticipated.

All of them, and yet some more than the other.

Ten never seemed to land, too keen on the next wave, too comfortable in the water to get him where he was meant to be.

Thus far, he kept mostly quite. He was often too much.

Taeyong, too perfect for this business for his own good, must've left some part of him in that ocean. Something about that man always seemed so lamentable.

Mark, perpetually awkward but never truly shy Mark was easy to laugh along with.

Baekhyun even more so.

They were all very grateful for it. They all buried the tenseness and the doubts with delight.

Lucas blinked a few time, hearing and sight focusing, sensory sensation crashing his system. If he wasn't in his right mind, he would have shaken his head like a dog trying to get the water off.

He must've looked definitely and detrimentally spaced out.

Particularly to Ten he must've looked freakish and just so-so wonderfully weird.

Ten curved a faint brow, a smile knowingly on his lips.

Lucas gulped his moutfull down.

Damn those perceptive eyes.

Lucas sat frowning in the large chair, phone laying neglected on his stomach as the movie kept playing through his ear buds. It was Ten, perpetually invasive, that walked in with wet hair and shining, pink cheeks. Lucas could smell the baby lotion from miles away. His nose crunched up

"Hey, Socrates," he joked, grinning once at Lucas before he started looking for something, body constantly in motion.

Lucas could ignore him until he couldn't.

"Is it like you imagined?" Ten asked.

Lucas shrugged, eyes somewhere far away. If he was being honest, he hadn't thought too thoroughly about it.

Everything went about it's way too quickly, leaving no time to process it properly. Mostly he was too worn out to do it. Maybe that was the secret ingredient of it all. Make it quick and to the pointless.

Like the opening credits of a _Star Wars_ movie in the smallest font at the highest speed.

In the end he said, "feels like a scam," somewhat bitterly.

Ten did not care for the tone. He sighed; exaggerated, finally stopping as he held his object of desire in his clutches; his phone. He pocketed it in his jeans with another sigh, like he carried all the world's burdens on his perfectly prominent shoulders.

"Stardome and scam are two side of the same coin, love."

Lucas had gotten used to the nicknames that were exclusive to the mouths of elderly women that pulled his cheeks adoringly and Ten (frequently and habitualy). He also has gotten used to the latter's know it all attitude and careless flouting.

He was still mildly annoyed by the latter habit.

Ten continued in mandarin, prompted by Lucas lack of a response, "can't get one without the other, babe. You'll get scammed and the audience, too, but you'll receive a small silver of recognition and they get to experience you for a few mere hours. But in a few years, maybe even months, you'll have festened and made a name for yourself. They'll love you," he sighed dreamily, eyes seeing something Lucas could not.

Then he dragged Lucas out of the chair by the arm. Lucas felt awkward, body suddenly too sparse for the large room and too stiff for Ten's agile and speedy movements.

"They'll all scream their lungs out!" he proclaimed suddenly. Then he began jumping from on leg onto the other, fingers forming a square that captured Lucas listless face.

"Lucas, Lucas, Lucas! Look over here!" Click-click. "And they'll take pictures of you like you're a crime scene." He changed his position a few more times before halting in front of Lucas, hands suddenly clutching his biceps like snakes lashing out for a victim, wiping the smile from Lucas' face.

Lucas was almost forced to step back and fall back into his chair. Ten had a surprising prowess behind his thin limbs. Ten continued his little play, ignoring his shellshock.

"And if you festen, if you make profit, they'll dig their claws into your pretty flesh, tear you down but not completely, so you don't bite your own tongue off."

Ten might as well have been steaming. His taut face relaxed, so did the painful hold on Lucas' arms, now only a warm heaviness, thumbs painting soothing circles.

Bizarrely enough, he smiled. So bright and wide that it looked painful. He tilted his head and said, "I mean, you can always sue?"

A heavy beat. Lucas remembered to blink and breath, large eyes having turned wet.

Lucas scoffed. It was the only respond he could manage at the moment.

A simple minute with Ten in his element always consequently meant a fried brain and a suffocating ache inside his chest.

It was jarring, but Ten was apologetically endearing about it.

It wasn't to smile about, Lucas wanted to say. But how could he deprive Ten of that little, twisted enjoyment he got from pointing at the elephant in the room.

He wasn't capable of that.

"You're really annoying like this," he could say.

Ten pulled a face, feigning a sniff. "Boohoo, I'm hurt."

Ten intended to go, turning and distancing himself. Dread seemed to hatch, to curl up and snore lovingly deep inside Lucas' guts.

Lucas put his own hands on the other's biceps, stopping him in his track. He pulled Ten back into his chest, close enough so he could put his head on his sharp shoulder.

_This was your fault_, Lucas thought.

Ten always seemed to put Lucas in a mood. Like burying the mouse your cat brought home, the bird some juvenile kids shoot down with stones. Footprints on grass and smashed daisies.

The proximity of body was very comforting, and that was compensation enough for Lucas.

"Did you watch the movie?" Ten must've caught eye of the Netflix homepage still glaring on Lucas' screen because of course he would. Lucas vaguely remembered there being a list Ten send to him.

Lucas shaked his head. "No, I was watching Star Wars but got bored so i watched a doku," he mumbled. "Also boring, by the way," he felt the need to add.

As for very frequently, Ten ignored what he had said, continuing whatever monologue he had going in his head out loud. "Then why are you doing this?"

Then:

Implying exactly what? Lucas shrugged, forehead still glued to Ten's shoulder, unable and unwilling to follow Ten's train of thought.

"Cuz I feel like it."

Ten chuckled somewhere deep, hands creeping up his arms.

"So nonchalant," he noted monotonously. "How cool." Lucas shuddered at the sensation of cold knuckles against his cheek, softly and carefully stroking. "You'll grow up beautifully."

Lucas never felt like he had another choice, pulled out of proportion and senseless in an overgrown body at a young age, with a pretty face and a loud mouth.

"And I will be loved and great." It was all a tat cynical. He couldn't help it, felt safe, knowing Ten would take no offense in it, just jot it down somewhere in his head.

Lucas,

very begrudgingly a glass half-full type of person. Lighthearted but jovial narcissus.

"No, love," Ten rebutted like he was running on a check to prove the other party wrong. Lucas let him, swayed by the warm palm over his cheek, stroking, ever affectionate. "You will be loved and miserable. The strings that move your body will pull too harshly and chafe you. You'll be so miserable."

He cupped Lucas' face, petting his hot cheeks with his thumbs. It was calming and inexplicably thrilling. Lucas kept his eyes wide and attentive on Ten's face, waiting for whatever grandiose words to tumble and jeté off of the edge of his lips.

Lucas chest almost squeezed shut when Ten's voice rang again.

"Regardless, you'll be loved and there's nothing greater than being loved in this lifetime." Ten smiled, not wicked or gleeful, just slightly sad.

He was here, Lucas thought, arrived safely even if not whole.

They both had.

Realisation didn't sweep him away, only settled like a lost bird inside his chest.

Finally,

the soft sound of bells and silent tides.

There was no stopping the spinning, no stopping the tides from rushing, you just had to learn to spin right and swim good.

If Ten had kissed him in that moment, it would solely be between them, as were their doubts and delights.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, surf up


End file.
